Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Four Years Without Him

I've been missing my dad for four years now. This anniversary seems to be a bit harder than the last. I think it's sinking in even farther. I miss his voice, I miss his quirks, I miss his stubbornness, I miss his hugs, I miss his adoration, and I miss his love. Ironically, and I'm sure he's chuckling, but lately I miss his advice the most.  And while there are several things I would love his advice on currently, I do know he would be proud even if I make a decision he wouldn't have made.

The other day I mentioned to someone that I think my son is getting a better parent out of me because I've lost my dad. I do things with my son that he used to do, which I always scoffed at or thought were dorky, because I now realize they are so important. Once again, I'm sure he's up there chuckling and gloating to all of his friends. He was beyond smart on so many levels, many of which I've recognized only after becoming a parent.

I know through small signs that he's still with us. A few days ago my son grabbed a picture of my dad, without knowing who it was, and kissed it. He's never done that before to any picture and I needed that. Whenever I'm having a bad day, the Rolling Stones still somehow come on at just the right time and I rock out, in tears, in my car. Best of all, my son is a spitting image of my dad as a toddler. I love that! I can't forget to mention the numerous dreams he's in. Those are our moments. 

The bottom line is he's still so very missed. Nothing has changed. But our lives are better because he was in them. That will never change either. 

Saturday, July 19, 2014

I Belong On A Beach

After much contemplation I've come to realize I should be living on a beach, or at least in a beach town. While one could argue that Cleveland is on the water, it doesn't have that beach town feel. Exhibit A: the harsh winters.

I'd be happy in any number of places. Galveston, Malibu, Savannah, Charleston, Cape Cod, you name it. I'm not picky.

Unfortunately, I think I'm stuck here for the time being. But one can dream of beach views, fun activities for kids (the idea of sand-covered babies with hair bleached by the sun is soothing to my soul!), and the decorating ideas!

How much fun would it be to live in this?...

Photo courtesy of Home-Decorating-With-Style.com

Photo courtesy of DKORInteriors.com


Photo courtesy of GoNautical.com

Photo courtesy of BestDesigNews.com

Photo courtesy of BoutiqueDeLuz.com

Photo courtesy of Sfxit.com

If we had found out the gender of our little boy before hand, I would have absolutely done a nautical-themed nursery like this one instead of our current, gender-neutral "natural" theme:
Photo courtesy of  missesboy.com

 I even found a great company on Etsy that does inexpensive, beach-themed prints like this:
You can find these prints here: bit.ly/EtsyBeachHouseGallery

I can't get enough!

Thursday, July 17, 2014

I'm Back, Maybe

So I've been MIA from this whole blog thing for a while - and I could've cared less. I have a 17 month old son and all I've wanted to do since his birth is stare at him, play with him, kiss him and pretty much ignore everything else just to be with him.
He's laughing, and running, and learning Spanish, and torturing the dog, and kissing, and being picky about foods, and sleeping like a champ. He's such an easy, but always busy, 17 month old. He's in a perpetual state of motion, except for when he's sleeping. He's literally the love of my life. I never thought it would be THIS cool. I'm sure the next one will be the opposite of easy, but for now we're in a state of ignorant parental bliss.
I do miss blogging though, so I'm back. I can't promise that there won't be periods of time where my son does something extra adorable, the obsession takes hold, and I neglect the blog, but I'm hoping to be better, so bare with me.
Here we go again...

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Three Years

It's been three years since I last spoke with my dad. So much has happened. So much that he missed out on, but yet was somehow such a part of.

Today was the easiest of the past three anniversaries. Partly because I've proven to myself that I still think about him every day, so I feel less pressure to make one day so sentimental. But mainly because I have this new baby that reminds me so much of him. He is this new blank canvas and I can't wait to fill in a few corners with the details, traditions and values I learned from my parents. There's no doubt that having a baby has shifted my focus from sadness to purpose-driven.

Losing my dad hasn't made me love my baby any more than I would have. I would have been this in love regardless. What it has done is make me appreciate every second with him because you just never know. It has also made me appreciate having my mom here. I love sharing this experience with her and reminiscing about her first years of parenthood. I wish I could record her as she recounts those memories and then play those back when my babies have babies. I'm so lucky to have her.

I wish I could know all this and still have him here, but today I recognize that I'm successfully taking my dad along with us as we enjoy this new little life...and I'm doing better.